August 10th 2019 - the day of my 30th Birthday Party.
Travis (my incredible husband) and I had talked about going away for a couple nights, just the two of us to celebrate my 30th birthday. The only place I really wanted to go was Nashville and to be honest, the Canadian dollar SUCKED. That and it was an incredibly busy time at work with the rest of my small team being away at a trade show around my birthday. So I said let's just have a party! I LOVE birthdays SO much and wanted to be with those that meant the most to me to celebrate. So he booked a local park with full pavilion and park for the kids and we had the BEST day. Chicken fingers, curly fries, Coors Original, all my favourites :). My 30th year was starting out just perfect.
But it wouldn't be long before the start of the roller coaster year would come.
We knew we wanted another baby (and maybe another) after I turned 30. So a mere two weeks later when I saw those two pink lines we were beyond ecstatic! Unfortunately, two days after that positive test, I started cramping and bleeding. I called my Doctor. Very early miscarriage. This word wasn't a shock to me - one of my nearest and dearest friends has gone through the craziest roller coaster of infertility and miscarriages. I was at work when this happened, and that was tough. I've not been one to let people know my personal business (I know, so why am I writing this blog? More on that later) so I had to carry on my day while fighting back tears the whole time. I almost felt guilty being upset - we had no problems getting pregnant with Tyler. The pregnancy was great, the labour and delivery was great and he is SUCH an incredible little human. This was one miscarriage, I wasn't allowed to be upset with what some other people go through. But I had to talk myself out of that and understand it was OK and that we would move forward from this.
Over the next couple of months, I was crazy over occupied with work - it was the height of our busiest season and we were coming to the opening of our brand new event space at the same time. This kept my mind distracted for the most part. But low and behold, four days before the new building opened up AND our first group was coming for a three day conference that I had poured my life into over the last 8 months, there were those two pink lines again. Ecstatic! But wait, now I can't even have a drink to celebrate this group being successful once it was over?!
Two weeks later, I would have my first ultrasound. Relatively early at approximately 6 weeks but that was what was booked for me. October 31st 2019. Halloween. The ultrasound tech wasn't as friendly as the ones in the past. She was making me nervous with her lack of chatter, perplexed looks and wanting to do an internal ultrasound in addition to the abdominal one. Once she had what she needed, she went to get Travis. I, of course, peeked up at the screen. My heart skipped. My mouth dropped. WHY were there TWO sacs on that screen?! Nope. Noooooo way. She's just duplicated the photo that's all. Lay back down. She'll have an explanation when she comes back.
Her and Travis come in, I sit up. We're all looking at the screen. "So, as you can see, there are two sacs. So, congratulations, you're having twins." (in the most monotone, unexcited voice you could imagine). I looked at Travis with tears in my eyes as he let out a little laugh. Wow. Wow, ok. We need a bigger car. We need a bigger house. We need another carseat. I'm going to be HUGE. How the HELL am I going to handle TWO NEWBORNS and a toddler?! Oh right, my mom did it - and STILL decided to have another child (yours truly!) after that!! Ok, this is manageable right?!
We left the ultrasound place. Travis tried to put his hand on my back. It was pouring rain. NO. I said. I'm not there yet. We got into the car. I burst into tears. All the internal thoughts came out. HOW THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS?! Again, I had to go back to work at this point. Scared shitless. But I did. They also wanted me to come back in two weeks to do another ultrasound as it was quite early.
November 14th 2019. Ultrasound #2 at 8 weeks. Yep. Two viable babies in two separate sacs. Thanks for the heredity of fraternal twins mom! I was still scared shitless, but we were so excited. Two for one kinda deal right? We were heading to Guelph for the weekend to see my family for the Santa Claus parade so it was a perfect time to tell them.
Everyone was beyond excited of course. Who doesn't love when a baby joins a family? But we were going to bring two!
A week after that I had my first doctors appointment on November 21st. From there, I was booked for November 25th to have my routine (every 3 year) PAP Smear (this is important in the lead up to the craziness that ensues soon, I'm not trying to overshare here). Uncomfortable not painful, but super beneficial and IMPORTANT in female health.
Sometime in the week of December 16th I got a call from my doctors office - my pap results had returned and showed slight abnormalities. Ok well that happened in my last pregnancy too so what do I do? Well, I could choose to wait another 6 months and have another pap or send the results off for HPV testing. Well I'm going to be giving birth in approximately 6 months so that won't work. I got the gardasil vaccine when I was younger so I'm not worried but I don't want to risk anything here, send the results off to be tested. I'd rather know than wait and not know. (It costs you $90 to have your results tested for HPV, FYI).
So now we waited to know.