Monday May 25 2020. That morning, we said bye to Ty shortly after 8am as my parents left to take him to daycare. I bawled after they left - I've never been away from Ty for a night and here we were about to spend at least 4 nights apart. Travis got the car packed up and we headed on our way to Sunnybrook. We got there around 10am. Saying bye to Trav was incredibly hard. It was just in the pickup/dropoff spots in front of the hospital. I was bringing in our clothes, my pillow and the baby's backpack. It was so crazy that we would be seeing each other again when we were minutes away from having our second child.
I got some congratulations from the screening staff on my way in as it was obvious I was about to have a baby. I headed up to 5th which is high risk obstetrics. After being admitted I was taken to my room for the night and this was all before 11am. That day was full of anxiety, loneliness, nervousness and excitement. I spent the day bingeing workin' moms and community.
Doctors popped in and out through the day to chat about the plans for the next day and I had a series of vital checks and some blood work. It was confirmed that I was on the emergency list for the next day and would hopefully be the first surgery of the day at 7:45am barring any crazy trauma issues overnight. Trav was told to arrive at the hospital around 7am and the nurses were SO great at coordinating so that we could see each other in the hallway before I went down to surgery. I went to bed around 10pm on Monday and was up like clockwork nearly every hour.
Around 5:30am my nurse came in to say that I was confirmed the first surgery of the day and she'd need to get my IV inserted in about an hour so I should get up and showered before that. I spoke to Trav to make sure he was good for being there around 7am. Once I was showered and gowned I got my first IV in and then waited. Trav was waiting in the lounge area outside the elevators and while on the phone with him a porter walked through with a stretcher we knew was mine. Sure enough moments later they were at my door and it was time to go. It was again so emotional to see him for even a minute before I headed down in the elevator. Giving each other one last hug and kiss before we had our second baby and surgery. Down I went to the OR where I was greeted by two of my oncology doctors. They were both so warm and calm asking of course how I was doing. I got pretty emotional at this time - I was nervous, scared and excited all at once.
Then I got pushed to outside Operating Room 5 where I met upwards of 20 different doctors and nurses that were all there for me. Every single one of them was so kind and caring - it was definitely reassuring that I was in the best of care. All of them introduced themselves to me and went over what aspect of my care they were there for. The ones that mattered most to me were Rowena and Steve - they were the ones taking care of baby as soon as it was born and bringing it up to a very anxious daddy. There was a good amount of excitement in my OR as most of the OR nurses and Drs don't see babies or deliveries much since they're in the obstetrics wing. Finally I was wheeled in where I couldn't believe again how many people were all there for me. I was transferred from the stretcher to the operating bed (I was having flashbacks to Ty's two surgeries and how brave he had been and knew I had to be as well). After the initial briefing by an oncology doctor it was time for my spinal. Rowena again was the superstar as I was pretty emotional and scared at this point. I squeezed her hand impossibly hard as she assured me how well I was doing. Luckily they give you a local before the spinal so I barely felt anything. After that I was completely numb from the waist down and needed to be manuevered around on the table (literally the anesthetist picked me up like a baby and moved me around!). Then the draping started - it was right up to my chin and impossibly awkward. I was anxious to facetime Trav but got hit with a huge wave of nauseau from the anesthetic - some meds were added to my IV that got rid of it within seconds. I had monitors all over and IV lines wherever I looked. Finally I got my phone from Steve and called Trav. It was happening! Our phone call started at 8:28am and was 22 minutes long. I kept calling out to the doctors and nurses "okay what's happening now?" first they were starting the incision and then they were cutting open the uterus - before we knew it, the time was 8:39am and Dr. C was excitedly shouting from behind the drapes "we have a baby boy!!" and Trav and I both just started sobbing - it's a boy! We have another baby boy!! Ty got the baby brudder he wanted. I then heard him cry and kept asking if he was okay and if I could see him. Finally Rowena brought him to me as they started cleaning him up and we got to see him for the first time - he was perfect. and big! he seemed so big for being 4 weeks early. I kept asking how he was and how big he was and where he was. Next thing I knew the nurses were pushing him past me in his little bubble out of the room - wait! I want to see him! so they let me have another quick look before I had to hang up with Trav and passed my phone off to them telling him they were bringing our baby to him (he told me after it was maybe 5 minutes between me hanging up and the baby being brought to the room which made me so happy that it was so quick!). Before I knew it the majority of nurses were out of the OR as only the anesthetists were in the room for the general. It all happened so quick it was a bit overwhelming - one minute I was saying bye to my baby and the next there was a mask on my face and they were telling me to take big deep breaths and keep my eyes open as long as I could. I remember thinking "why is this taking so long? why am I not asleep yet? Is this not going to work? What if they can't do the surgery because I'm not asleep?" and then the next thing I knew, I was being awoken again because it was all over. And that was it.
Once I was awake (but so, so groggy) I was being wheeled into PACU (post anesthetic care unit) and this part of recovery was a bit foggy to me as I was still coming off the general anesthetic. I know it was shortly after 11:30am when I woke up in the OR and I was able to leave the PACU around 1:30ish. While in there they gave me pain meds and checked vitals. Before I left they hooked me up to a PAC line for self administered drugs. I know I asked quite a few times if Travis was updated on my status and if he knew that I was out of surgery and in recovery. I remember dozing off a couple times while I was there and just desperate to be reunited with Trav and our baby. I was so excited once the porter came to wheel me up to the birthing unit.
Coming down the hallway in HRO (high risk obstetrics) I saw Trav with some nurses walking toward where I was headed - I was so excited to see him. But, where's the baby? Why wasn't he with him? So naturally that was the first thing I asked him. "He's okay - don't worry. He had a bit of trouble breathing when he was up here and the nurse had him on the CPAP for a bit here but he was 'grunting' so they needed to bring him down to the NICU just to get a little bit of help. I was down there with him but they came and told me you were heading to the room so I came to be with you because he is in good hands down there". The good news was that Trav got to be with him for about an hour and a half before he had to go to NICU so he got to do some skin to skin and be with him and that was important. (But seriously can we give some credit to this guy - waiting for his wife to get out of a major surgical operation and having to go to the NICU with his hour old son?!) The nurses again had to move me from the stretcher to the bed in the room and Trav and I were able to celebrate being back together and having a new baby boy. I was very groggy and out of it for most of the rest of the day. I know I asked Trav if he knew how my surgery went because I hadn't heard - he said Dr. K came to see the baby and talked to him after surgery and said all went well and it happened quicker than they anticipated. That was all we knew at this time though.
Finally around 5pm I was feeling 'okay' enough to head down to the NICU to see our baby. They brought a wheelchair in and slowly but surely I got in and we headed down. It's a crazy feeling to see your child in the NICU. Especially when your child is the biggest baby in the NICU (there were 22 weekers in there!).
This was the first time I really got to meet him - he was so perfect. His little legs and feet curled up like a frog. But that poor boy with the CPAP machine on his face - he looked like he belonged in the WWF! His hair looked a bit red in the dim lights in the room. The nurse asked if I wanted to hold him - are you kidding me?! of course I did! So we got some great skin to skin time in before we facetimed our parents to let them know we had another baby boy in the family (Travis had called them earlier letting them know baby was here and safe and that I was in surgery and such). During these calls I became really groggy and sleepy and did not feel well so we had to head back up to our room. It took a lot out of me and I was already pretty exhausted. I had also been told earlier in the day I was still on a clear fluids diet (which I had been on since I was admitted at 10am on Monday so needless to say, I was lacking energy). Food services hadn't gotten the memo though so I was sent a regular dinner and ended up not eating even jello for supper that night. Trav was heading back down to the NICU around 10pm when our room phone rang - it was the NICU and our little monkey had been off his CPAP machine since 8pm and was being an absolute champ!
But he was hungry now that he wasn't being fed entravenously. I wanted so badly to go down and try to feed him but I just didn't have it in me so we OK'd them tube feeding with some formula. Trav went and spent some time with him while I tried to sleep a bit. When he came back he said they're hopeful he'll be back up with us in the morning :). Throughout the night I was in and out of sleep and nurse check ins on my vitals and topping up my drugs.
Wednesday - we both went down in the morning to check on the baby and see how he was. Being off the CPAP and everything but tube feeding and his IV we could finally see the monkey - and the names we had chosen did NOT suit him at all (Liam & Cohen) so we had to reassess that! They had to check his blood sugars once more before he could come back to us. We headed back upstairs as I was struggling a bit again. It was confirmed by lunch that I was able to up my diet to DAT - diet as tolerated. So you bet I ate cold pizza for lunch! Finally just before 3pm Trav was back down in NICU when he let me know he'd be up soon because they were getting the baby ready to head up to our room! It was so exciting for them to roll in and have him 'graduate' from the NICU - we were finally together the 3 of us.
Once we were back together we knew we needed to decide on a name. When we were down in NICU earlier with him, we had come up with two new names - Frederick (Freddie) and Cayden - Kayden had been on my list for a while but Trav wasn't sold on the 'K' so thinking of it with a C he liked it a lot more. Finally after some back and forth we finally named our second son -
Cayden John David. John David had been decided on as middle names since before we were pregnant - John is my maternal Grandfather's name and David is Trav's. He was the only Grandfather I knew as my dad's dad passed away in 1980 - and boy, was he ever a special Grandpa! It was the least I could do to honour him and have his name represent one of our children (we also had Frankie chosen as a middle name for a girl - his name was Franklin John but he went by John).
The next while was filled with learning our new baby, dealing with a lot of pain, trying to shower for the first time, blood work and doctor visits. I wasn't really able to try and nurse Cayden until sometime on Thursday as I wasn't feeling the greatest still. We didn't have much success until a lactation consultant came to work with us. On Thursday (I think it was Thursday) Sandeep (one of my oncology drs) was doing his daily check in when I finally said "hey, so how did my surgery go? I know Dr. K came to talk briefly to Travis on Tuesday but I haven't heard anything about it at all!" So he sat down. "It went perfect. To be honest, you were pretty boring. Everything happened exactly how it should've. Even after obstetrics was done with delivery and stitched your uterus back up it cramped up right away which made it easier for us. We got everything we needed and there were clear margins around the tumour. It was pretty text book and was done a lot faster than we anticipated (initial estimate was 3-3 1/2 hours and it was probably 2 1/2 hours)."
I had never been more happy to be called boring in my life! This was amazing news. We just have to wait for pathology on the lymph nodes that were taken to make sure nothing had spread there - but he said they weren't enlarged at all so it's looking hopeful.
Also on this day Sandeep and Anna (another oncology doctor) actually told me that I checked off all the boxes to be discharged today but they did want to keep me another night just to make sure all was good. We were so anxious to get home and sleep in our own bed, see Ty, have real food - but knew we were in the best of care here and one more night would be fine.
Friday came with a lot of excitement as we knew we would get to head home today. Initially we thought we'd get to head out around 8am after my 6am blood work came back but we had to wait to hear from CCAC about home care since I had to go home with a catheter until 10 days post op (it was the MOST glorious day when that thing came out!). Finally, around 12:30pm we had gotten our final discharge papers, everything was packed up and we were ready to get out of there! We had to stop by triage and get Cayden's temporary health card where we said goodbye to two of our lovely nurses as well. Trav had to take nearly everything (there's no in and out trips, we couldn't leave our room the whole time we were there except to go to NICU and I am not allowed to lift/carry more than 10lbs right now). So i drug our wheeled suitcase and Trav had everything else, including Cayden. We stopped to get a BIG coffee and a snack before we headed out and finally shortly after 1pm, we were in the car and heading home to be a family of four.
Side note - a 1 1/2 hour car ride after 2 major abdominal surgeries that includes construction filled Toronto and highways - NOT SO FUN. I definitely needed my pain meds that day.
We got home just before 2:30pm and I had made sure my mom woke Ty up from his nap so he could be waiting when we got home. When we pulled up we couldn't help but laugh seeing him sitting in the garage wearing his fire fighter helmet because, why not? It was so wonderful to see him, hug him and kiss him. He immediately asked 'Where's Cayden?' and my heart melted into a puddle. He was so excited to meet him (as were Grandma and Grandpa of course!) and our hearts were more full than we ever knew they could be seeing Ty take so well to his new baby brudder (he also called him Kerry for about the first 4 days when we got home!).
My parents stayed for the weekend to help out and headed home Sunday afternoon. Now it was time to really settle in as a family of four, while I was recovering and with Trav trying to do literally everything around the house and with Ty. The first week was rough, I won't lie. There was a lot of pain. A lot of tears (from me mostly, Cayden was pretty good!) and a lot of relearning with a newborn! I was on a slew of meds, extra strength tylenol 4x a day, naproxen (anti-inflammatory) 2x a day (I'd be terrified to see what I would've looked like without this one, my legs and feet were HUGE), hydromorphone as needed every 4 hours (the same pain meds I had been on in the hospital which I really didn't take full enough advantage of because, stubborn) and also enoxaparin. This one is my least favourite. It's a blood thinner (to prevent clots) but it isn't a pill, it's a daily injection Trav has to give me every day for 28 days post op. It goes in the fatty tissue of my stomach, basically like a rainbow of injection sites around my incision. By the way, my incision is ~20cm long from about 2cm above my belly button, around it and down. So you can imagine my stomach is fairly colourful right now. The blood thinners make me bruise a lot easier and the injection sites are purpley/blue dots surrounding my incision. I have probably 30-40 staples total that come out 14 days post op (which at the time of writing is tomorrow - YAY!) and it's pretty gnarly looking right now. One thing I know is I won't let myself be ashamed of this scar - it's my warrior wound. It hopefully means that I beat cancer and will be a reminder forever of how strong I was throughout all of this. Having boys, I'm sure they'll think it's pretty cool right?!
We have let Ty seen my incision a couple of times to try to help him understand why he has to be so careful around Mommy right now - because she has a big booboo on her belly. He does ask almost everyday if I still have my booboo and tells me it's okay, the doctors will make me better soon!
Slowly but surely, everyday is a little bit better recovery wise. Cayden has been an angel (since he was 4 weeks early they told us to expect him to sleep a lot more than normal for his brain development) and we've gotten some amazing stretches in the night for now. As of now, I'm able to go for decent walks which has been really nice to get out in the fresh air. Getting up and down from my rocker and the couch is still difficult but getting better. I can't lift Cayden out of his bassinet yet but we have a boppy lounger on the couch that I use as it's a bit higher and I'm able to get him in and out from standing or sitting. Travis has done EVERY SINGLE diaper change for Cayden in his life and all of Ty's since we've been home. We aren't setup in this house for 2 kids (the plan was to move shortly after baby's arrival but you know, PANDEMIC) so we're making due right now - it just means we don't have a high enough change table that I can really access to change Cayden on. As of today (June 8) Travis is 'back to work' in a bit of a modified way so he can still be here quick enough if I need help with something. Our neighbours have also offered out their help if I need anything while he's at work which is so, so great. Hopefully in the next 2 weeks I'll be even more mobile and be able to get out on walks on my own with Cayden.
For now, we wait for about another 2 weeks. That is my follow up appointment with my gyneoncologist where we will get the pathology results. It may be a phone appointment, which may actually be best because then Trav can be with me while I'm talking to her. If it's at Sunnybrook, I doubt he'll be allowed in yet at that time and I don't want to receive the results without him with me, regardless of what they are. So hopefully, just a bit more waiting to find out where we stand with the cancer and I hope all of the incredible love, support and prayers we've been receiving over the past month will continue as we await the final word on my health!