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  • Writer's picturecsauneyy

the first appointment.

Updated: May 1, 2020

Most of this is taken from a text I sent to my girl friends and sister in laws to update them all.


Well, it's been an emotionally, mentally, physically exhausting day. Going into a cancer hospital and responding "I am" when they ask who the patient is - not something I ever thought I'd be doing. Let alone at 30 years old. And pregnant. Luckily going to your first oncology appt is grounds for having a 'visitor' with you so Travis was able to be with me the whole time (remember, we're in a pandemic here and basically no hospitals are allowing visitors). To say my anxiety was at an all time high is an understatement. I don't think I've ever been so quiet for such an extended period of time before.

Blood work was super quick and then we had to wait just over an hour until I saw my gyneoncologist. The waiting was tough and I busied myself with word searches and sudokus while Travis tried to distract me with the ongoings in the NFL. While we were sitting at the coffee shop there, I heard it - the sound of the bell ringing singnalling someone finishing their chemotherapy and saying FUCK YOU CANCER! I looked up at Trav and couldn't help but smile and cry at the same time because it sounded so hopeful.

Finally, it was time to head back to Clinic C and check in. Around 1:10pm I was called into the office. We first met with the nurse that went through my health history and asked what I already knew about why I was there today and explained I'd have a gentle internal exam. Then Dr. R came in and for some reason this was the most calm I had been all day. My heart was racing and I was on FIRE temperature wise but my chest was no longer tight and I was ready for whatever was coming at me.

She did a quick check of the baby and said it appeared to be head down which was great. After completing the exam, she said she can definitely see the cancer and that the tumour doesn't appear to be bigger than 2cm. It's localized to the cervix and she can't see or feel any enlargement of the lymph nodes or any sign of it elsewhere. Of course we can't confirm 100% until my MRI is done (scheduled for Wednesday). The one thing she basically could guarantee was that I will deliver the baby via cesarean section so as not to worry about dilating and excess bleeding. I'm a very unique case - being pregnant and all - so she needs to confer with her colleagues as to the best approach for me. Assuming the MRI comes back and confirms what she believes (which is stage 1b1) then I should be able to continue carrying with checks every few weeks to ensure the tumour isn't growing or spreading. Following delivery they'll give me the 6ish weeks to heal before I'll go back in for a radical hysterectomy. That means they'll remove my uterus and my cervix. With that, I shouldn't have to go through any chemotherapy or radiation and I should be cured. That was my main takeaway today. She said I was CUREABLE!!!!!!! The weight that came off my chest with that word is impossible to describe. I could've danced out of the room. I will also still be able to deliver in St. Catharine's but my RH will be in Hamilton. There is still a long road ahead and some scary things happening but I am so optimistic and positive after today - we'll keep taking things one day at a time and of course always hope for the best possible outcome.

The love and support from you all was definitely felt with us today - thank you so much. We'll need as much as we can get over the next few months and are so grateful to have you all as a support system in our lives."


This was all such great news - but at the same time, it brought a lot of sadness to myself and Travis. We wouldn't be able to have anymore children that I would carry. The doctor asked if we had plans to have more children. I had always thought I would have 3 or 4. There is another surgery that can be done to preserve fertility called a trachelectomy however, if I was to get pregnant with twins again (my chances are increased since it happened once) I wouldn't be able to carry the pregnancy. The idea of losing another pregnancy because I physically wasn't able to carry it would wreck me and my mental health is already pretty shot right now.


Being told at 30 years old that you were going to have your uterus taken out of you, kinda hits ya. BUT. At the same time, we know how lucky, and how grateful we are to be able to currently have one healthy child and another one almost here with us. That's 2 more than some people are ever able to have. And, if we want another child, there are other options. I keep my ovaries so we can look into surrogacy and of course, there's always adoption. There are options.


*A couple of days later, I had my MRI (whoever thought it was a good idea to make a pregnant woman lie flat on their back as still as possible for 40 minutes MUST have been a man!) and got the results a few days later - tumour is 1.2-1.5cm in size, there was a TON of fetal movement so it was approximate. The MRI showed possible funneling of my cervix, which an MRI usually wouldn't show. This could mean my cervix was too short, meaning cervical incompetence, meaning potential for bedrest to prevent preterm labour. GREAT. Why not right?! Luckily - I had an ultrasound booked a few days later to check the size and was called a few days after that with the good news. NO FUNNELING of the cervix HALLELUJAH!

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